Should we get a divorce?

As a Pastor I am often invited into the middle of dysfunctional pain-filled relationships between two people who are trying to be married. It's always painful to hear their stories and narratives of hurtful moments in the marriage. It's interesting and comical how they try to fake it until ya make it. That typically results in deeper resentment and hatred. These splintered, ruptured, infected, delusional, hopeless, lifeless and often deadly (not literally) relationships effect more than just the 2 people who said, "I do". The effects of divorce ripple out and effect everyone around them. It doesn't hurt for just a little bit, it hurts until one of them dies (literally). That's the problem with marriage, it's forever. That's probably why God set up such clear boundaries and expectations for commitment,  love, relationships, sex and marriage. In fact, when God choses an example we could all look to as an image of how He plans to interact with us, he chooses marriage. So here is the truth, when we ignore God in our marriage, we promise ourselves a divorce (1 John 4:7-12). 

So should we get a divorce? I hate this question, but being asked to give an answer to this difficult question is a reality for me in my line of work (and calling). I am asked this question way to often by my friends who are struggling in their marriage. You may be surprised when my answer is not always, "no". However, a "yes" is excruciatingly hard for me to say. To be honest, I've only said "yes" once, and still have TONS of self-doubt on whether that was the right answer. 

This blog post is not to answer your question. sorry. I'm not a marriage counselor or family therapist. But my friends are, and I have watched them put horrible relationships back together into beautiful new marriages. It's fascinating to me how they can do this. But I did want to say this today...

If you have the guts to ask this questions, than you still have the heart to make your marriage work. Remember, Divorce = Death. Literally and  figuratively. Divorce is the destruction of the other person. And each time I watch friends go through divorce,  it's hard for me not to believe in God. I mean, if there was no God, than divorce should be just paper work. However, there is a God, and marriage is extremely important to Him. So when you get married, He binds you together into one person (Genesis 2:24). The pain is proof that there is a God, and proof He wants you together as one, not two. 

This weekend at Waterline Church, I will be starting a new teaching series called, "Friending". This series is designed to help all of us identify the friends we need to have, and become the friends we need to be. So if you are struggling in your marriage, you may not be able to be married right now, but you may be able to start being friends. And that's a good start toward healing. Everyone is welcome, every seat is free, the coffee is delicious and the kids will love it!